I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
