Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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