please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
