it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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