I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
