no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I didn't notice because vodka
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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