oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
