Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
