she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
