So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
