he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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