I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
