He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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