I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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