I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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