So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
