the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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