So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
