i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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