feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
