The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
