If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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