Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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