my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
