Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
