Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
