Pappa wants mamma naked
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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