I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
