Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
