My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just want to make out with him forever
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
