you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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