Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
