I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
