you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
