why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize