Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize