around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
