Dual....:-)
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
