I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize