Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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