Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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