dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
