So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
