i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
