i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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