he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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