that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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