the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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