smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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