For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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