just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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