look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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