She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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