They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
