oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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