I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
thus making me awesome and them whores
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Someone signed my nipple.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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