Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
