I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
