I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
