whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
