She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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