:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
