Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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