I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
