But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
