this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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