the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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